Panchito and His Radio
by Nothing Really Specific
Summary: Panchito has a conversation with his car radio as he drives to Wendy's. Stars cast members of "Panchito" series, my comedy fanfiction series. M:Language, Adult References. PLEASE REVIEW!


**Panchito and His Radio**

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**Characters: _Panchito _Cast**

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**Panchito is my comedy fanfiction series. This is a possible excerpt.**

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One day, Panchito Pistoles was driving and had a conversation with his radio. This is what happened:

**PANCHITO(singing while driving):** Girl you can tell everybody, yeah you can tell everybody, go ahead and tell everybody I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man. Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am. I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man.

(Radio changes frequency by itself)

(Panchito turns changes the station and switches it back to the station he was listening to)

**RADIO:** Hey what's happening man?

(Panchito does nothing and continues driving)

**RADIO:** Yo, rooster! I said what's happening?

(Panchito looks at Radio in surprise)

**PANCHITO:** Are you talking to me?

**RADIO:** Naw, I'm just producing words and forming sentences. Of course I'm talking to ya, how you doing?

**PANCHITO (awkwardly):** Fine I guess.

**RADIO:** What's the matter Panch?

**PANCHITO:** Nothing, just, I'm talking to my radio.

**RADIO:** Well I'm talking to a rooster.

**PANCHITO:** True.

(Panchito pulls into a Wendy's)

**WENDY'S DRIVE THRU WORKER (speaking through intercom):** Hi, welcome to Wendy's how may I help you?

**PANCHITO:** Yes, I'll have a-

**RADIO:** Thirty-Seven Double Stacks, Forty Orders of the Large Fry, Sixty-Two Frosty's, and Fifty Baconators please.

**WENDY'S DRIVE THRU WORKER (rather surprised):** Wow, will that be all sir?

**PANCHITO:** No he's crazy, ignore him he's just-

**RADIO:** Yes!

**WENDY'S DRIVE THRU WORKER:** Alright, that'll be $9,684.75 please pull around to the first available window.

(Panchito looks at Radio as he drives around)

**PANCHITO:** I hate you.

**RADIO:** What, I'm hungry!

**PANCHITO:** In case you aren't aware, you're a radio. An inanimate object.

**RADIO:** Inanimate object my ass.

**PANCHITO:** You don't have an ass.

(Panchito rolls window down, pays for food and struggles with the large amount of it that is given to him at once)

**RADIO:** Need some help?

**PANCHITO (Muffled Voice due to the bags that are covering his entire body. He slowly removes them):** What I need is for you to die!

**RADIO:** Well, since I'm an inanimate object and can't physically die from anything that's pretty much impossible.

**PANCHITO (still struggling with food bags):** We'll see about that.

(A horn honks, a car is behind him)

**WENDY'S DRIVE-THRU WORKER:** That'll be $9,684.75 sir.

(Panchito grumbles as he pulls out his wallet, his debit card, and hands it to the worker. The worker swipes it and hands it back to him)

**WENDY'S DRIVE-THRU WORKER:** Have a nice day sir.

**PANCHITO (gives a fake smile):** You too.

**RADIO (wolf whistles at Wendy's Drive-Thru Worker who is a female):** Man, you are fine, like a devil fox, or a shoe, yeah, you're fine, like a shoe, but not just any shoe, you're Nike, because you know, you just do it. Yeah, I know, it's crazy, me, you, human, thing, it just wouldn't work out, but you know what, screw society! We'll make it work baby, just you, me, and my knob which you can turn, and turn, and turn.

**PANCHITO:** Shut up!

**WENDY'S DRIVE THRU WORKER (looks at Panchito):** What did you just say?

**PANCHITO:** Nothing

**WENDY'S DRIVE-THUR WORKER:** Did you say that you want to have sex with me?

**PANCHITO:** Um, no

**RADIO (Panchito impression):** Um, yes

**PANCHITO (looks at Radio):** No!

**RADIO (continues with impression):** Yes!

**WENDY'S DRIVE-THRU WORKER:** I'm calling the police.

**PANCHITO and RADIO:** No!

**PANCHITO:** I'm sorry, it's my radio that's being rude and inconsiderate.

**WENDY'S DRIVE-THRU WORKER:** Your radio?

(Panchito nods)

**PANCHITO:** Si, I don't believe it either. He's plum loco, I'm going to get him fixed tomorrow.

**WENDY'S DRIVE-THRU WORKER:** Okay sir, have a nice day.

(Panchito drives down the road towards Terry Dicks house)

**RADIO:** Can you pass me a fry please?

**PANCHITO:** No, you humiliated me and made me look like a creeper in front of decent woman.

**RADIO:** You liked her didn't you.

**PANCHITO:** That's not what I meant.

**RADIO:** Well what _did_ you meanthen?

(Panchito turns Radio off and takes a breath)

**PANCHITO:** Just accept it Panchito, you're crazy.

(Radio turns back on)

**RADIO:** Yes you are now feed me please.

**PANCHITO:** Right sure. I'll do that.

(Panchito pulls into Terry's driveway)

(Terry is at the mailbox checking mail, he looks over and see the mountain of Wendy's bags next to Panchito)

**TERRY:** Holy shit, what the hell did you do?

**PANCHITO (eyes closed, head against the headrest, a sigh):** Ask the music amplifying appliance what the hell I did.

**TERRY:** What?

(Panchito motions Terry over. Terry walks over to the door. Panchito points towards the radio.)

**PANCHITO:** Speak to him if you want to know.

(Radio does nothing and is silent)

(Terry looks at Panchito, wondering if he's crazy)

**TERRY:** Um...Panchito, did you smoke hemp today?

**PANCHITO:** I don't do drugs.

**TERRY:** Did Jose give you some?

**PANCHITO:** No, he quit.

**TERRY:** Did Donald?

**PANCHITO:** He's on too many anger management medications to do it anyway even if he wanted to Terry.

**TERRY:** Are you crazy?

**PANCHITO:** No. This radio told me to buy all of this food. Can't you hear him. He's mocking me right now. Laughing in my face. He thinks it's funny.

**TERRY:** Um, no it's not.

(Panchito opens his eyes and looks at Terry confused)

**PANCHITO:** What do you mean he's not of course he-

(Panchito turns toward Radio)

**PANCHITO:** Oh no, you're not playing that card!

(Panchito opens compartment in between driver and passenger seat and pulls out a Beretta M9, one of his pistols. Panchito aims pistol at Radio)

**PANCHITO:** Talk!

(Radio is silent)

(Terry looks at Panchito, a bit scared and slowly walks to the passenger door to retrieve a bag of food. Terry opens door)

**TERRY:** Can I have one of these?

(Panchito looks over at Terry with a smile)

**PANCHITO (friendly disposition as if this were a normal thing):** Why of course you can mi amigo!

(Terry takes a bag and walks inside the house. Panchito looks at Radio and readies his weapon for firing)

**PANCHITO:** Alright, he's gone, now talk you little bastard!

(Police sirens are heard coming down the street)

**PANCHITO (sighs):** Great.

(Police cars enter the scene, John, Terry's friend exits police car)

(John walks over to driver's seat)

**JOHN:** Alright Panch, what'd you do this time?

**PANCHITO:** Nothing!

**JOHN:** Uh-huh, you say as you have a pistol in hand. (Looks at bags of food) What's with those bags of food?

**PANCHITO:** Ask the music amplifying appliance.

**JOHN (sighs):** Have you been smoking hemp?

**PANCHITO (sighs):** Okay, fine, I don't do drugs, no Jose didn't give them to me because he quit and Donald is on too many meds to give a shit. There (looks at John) happy?

**JOHN:** I got a report of sexual harassment by a Wendy's Drive-Thru Worker named Glitter Sparkles Unicorn.

**PANCHITO (to himself in a hushed kind of voice):** With a name like that I bet she's used to giving those reports.

**JOHN:** What?

**PANCHITO:** Nothing.

**JOHN:** Care to explain what happened?

(Panchito ignores John and turns towards Radio)

**PANCHITO:** You better start talking now before I shoot you.

(Laughing is heard followed by blue smoke and a smile. Cheshire Cat appears)

**PANCHITO:** Cheshire!

**CHESHIRE (in the voice of the Radio):** Yes?

**PANCHITO:** Why!

**CHESHIRE:** Why what?

**PANCHITO:** Why did you do this to me?

**CHESHIRE:** Because it's funny.

(Cheshire laughs)

**JOHN:** Alright Panch you're free to go, Chess, you're coming with me.

**CHESHIRE (nods):** Alright

(Panchito gets out of the car)

**PANCHITO (to Cheshire):** You're horrible you know that.

(Cheshire dematerializes but floats next to Panchito and follows him into Terry's house)

**CHESHIRE:** Yes but, I am your cat.

**PANCHITO:** You are a terrible pet.

(Cheshire laughs)

**CHESHIRE:** At least you won't have to buy cat food for a while.

**PANCHITO:** You'll eat all that?

**CHESHIRE:** Of course, I told you, I'm hungry.

(Panchito smiles and pets him)

**PANCHITO:** Good boy.

(Panchito enters house)

(Cheshire laughs to himself, disappears, rematerializes near John)

**CHESHIRE:** Is there any possibility that you can just forget about this matter?

**JOHN:** No

**WENDY'S DRIVE-THRU WORKER aka GLITTER SPARKLES UNICORN (moaning from a distance):** Oh yes!

(John turns around towards SCOTTY MCFARLEY'S HOUSE)

(John walks over to SCOTTY MCFARLEY'S HOUSE and motions CHESHIRE, who is a police cat, to follow him)

(John knocks at the door)

**JOHN:** Mister McFarley?

**SCOTTY:** Go away!

(Moaning and groaning- sex sounds)

**CHESHIRE:** Am I free to go now?

**JOHN:** Not yet. There's still a report.

(Sex sounds stop. The sounds of getting dressed quickly)

(Glitter Sparkles Unicorn opens the door- which opens outward towards John and Cheshire)

**GLITTER SPARKLES UNICORN:** Oh, I'm so glad you're here, I was just raped.

(John and Cheshire look at each other)

**GLITTER SPARKLES UNICORN:** Well, aren't you going to do something about it?

(John and Cheshire smile simultaneously)

**JOHN AND CHESHIRE:** Yes

**GLITTER SPARKLES UNICORN:** Great, what are you going to do?

(John and Cheshire smiles grow large and wide)

**JOHN AND CHESHIRE:** This

(John closes door in Glitter Sparkles Unicorn's face)

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**SCENE**


End file.
